life update

I haven’t written much since I said goodbye to Dee a couple months ago. I still miss her very much. Intellectually I know she’s not here, but when I first wake up, I think I need to go outside or is the water bowl empty? I walk out the door and feel as if I’m lighter or forgetting something, and it’s because I have no dog in my left hand. I also miss her being a guide dog, right now more than ever. However, Shelly says she’s having so much fun playing with her other dog, running around the farm, and going for long walks. She’s friendly and happy to see everyone as usual. She’s gained weight, so she’s not too skinny anymore!! Dee’s happy, and that makes me happy, even though I’m sad at the same time.
I have almost finished my guide dog applications. Southeastern still needs to come do a juno walk with me, but all the paperwork is in for them. Guide dogs of the desert has all paperwork, and I submitted my video last week. Guide dog foundation also has all paperwork and the video, and guiding eyes needs me to get a tb test and some other shot before they can send my application to the admissions people. I’m going to do that today. I really want a golden retriever or german shepherd, but it is soooooo tempting just to go back to gdb and get another lab. The health issues are just annoying enough to make me not want to wait for a non-lab breed dog.
The anemia is still here because I couldn’t get prescriptions for months since I didn’t have a Medicaid card. Now I have insurance again, but I won supplements in an auction started by After Gadget, so I have iron tablets which will hopefully help me not feel as tired and have random dizziness. I also have a b-complex, fish oil, and magnesium which should help with health in general and hypoglysemia. I’ve noticed that since I’ve been off supplements, I eat so much more junk food, and I can’t seem to stop. That is also not helped by the candida infection that I’m sure I have since I match 13 out of the 15 symptoms or something like that. Since I’m out of money, I’ve only been taking them on the days I have class in hopes that it will give me some mental clarity and concentration to make it through the four-hour lectures. I also notice that my balance is slightly off without a dog, and I walk slower on uneven surfaces.
A couple weeks ago, I went for a hearing test. I don’t remember if I’ve written about it here, but I noticed at the end of last year, maybe a little bit before, that I was having trouble crossing streets. I’d stand there at a lighted intersection that I cross frequently and think, “is that traffic on my right, or is it coming from my right side and going perpendicular to me?” And once I realize that it is indeed parallel, it’d be the middle of the cycle and too late to go. Consequently, I spend several cycles like this and take at least 10 minutes trying to cross. My travel confidence was going down, and I felt so incompetent. I lived in Minneapolis for 7 months, crossed eight-lane highways and the interstate, and lived on a lighted intersection that I crossed at least twice every day. I also noticed I was having more trouble than usual following people in noisy environments or having trouble hearing many people in a conversation. We’d be out at a restaurant, and I could hear the people sitting to my left, right, or directly across from me. However, if it was a larger table of more than four, I’d not realize someone was talking to me on the other side, or I’d hear them talking but not understand what they were saying. Sometimes, I can’t tell what direction people’s voices are coming from. I do better if people are sitting or walking behind me and talking than I do when they are sitting or walking in front of me and talking. The doctor says I have some hearing loss. He said that sometimes it only takes people to be aware of it and they will listen harder for sounds. I told him I’d been aware of it for a couple months, and that didn’t work for me. So, he’s ordered me something with amplification because he said he wasn’t concerned so much about communication as he was about safety. I said that was definitely my concern. Dee didn’t help with knowing when to cross because that was not her job; it’s my responsibility to decide when it’s time to go. However, I could tell her forward, and if It were the wrong time in the traffic cycle, she’d refuse the forward command. That would be so helpful right now. I’m hoping the amplification comes soon.
I still have not received funding from my state agency. I took out a student loan to not get purged from classes as well as to avoid being evicted. As I’ve written before, I’ve been paying my rent, and when I had Dee, dog food. That left little money for anything else; I could pay a reader/driver a couple times, and I could pay a couple times to go out to dinner for under $10. After that, I was broke, and thanks to my roommate, I can take a cab or pay for a reader or whatever after I run out. But, that didn’t leave me money for bills; my phone was shut off for months, and I didn’t pay my credit card bill. Since I didn’t pay my credit card bill, the bank suspended my checking account. I had my ssi and social security disability going in as a direct deposit, so I missed that money at the beginning of the month and therefore had no money for rent. Thank God my refund check came from my student loan. I keep getting declined to open a bank account, but I was able to sign the check over to someone else’s account and paid my rent and phone bill that way.
The quarter will be over in three weeks or so. Where has the time gone? So far, I’ve brailled a chapter of a children’s book, made 10 literacy games, turned in a 46-slide power point about phonics, read and attempted to memorize many tables and info about child development, and other mini projects. I still have to finish researching for a 12-page research paper and 15-minute presentation, finish research for another 15-minute presentation, do article summaries/reflection, read the rest of the info for child development, and practice my slate speed and accuracy so I can pass the test. School is overwhelming me right now. We went to a deafblind conference a couple weeks ago, and tomorrow, we’re leaving for the Louisiana state convention. I really wish I had this weekend to do homework!
Things I’m thankful for:
a friend that I met in Minneapolis last summer is coming to hang out and look at attending this masters degree program for teaching blind students.
My rent is paid and phone is back, so I don’t have to worry about that for another month.
My guide dog applications will be done next week, so all I have to do now is wait and pray someone has a dog for me this summer.
I have awesome friends who help me; whether it’s financially or can you tell me what this captcha says, they are great!

Maybe a Dee video?

Can someone tell me if you can clearly see me walking with Dee, and if you can tell that we are walking quickly? I might include it in my guide dog application but only if it is possible for them to judge my walking speed.

obstacles in retirement

This is my post for The Sixth Assistance Dog Blog Carnival Because of back and shoulder problems, my four-year-old guide dog, a black lab Dee, is retired. We've had other obstacles in the past, but this is the one in my heart right now.

First, there are situational obstacles that do not allow me to keep her as a pet. I live in an apartment complex where no pets are allowed. the other major problem is lack of money. I am a grad student living on SSI and disability income. By the time I pay rent, electricity, and maybe the phone bill, I have enough money to pay for cabs or drivers and dog food for the new dog I will hopefully get some time this year. Even if I moved to somewhere pet friendly, it is not possible to pay for food, vet bills, toys, and grooming for two animals.

My next one was where did I want to place Dee. The guide dog school can placed retired dogs, but I would have no idea where she ended up, and I want updates for whoever has her. I had a few possibilities. One person who liked Dee would have given her a good home and attention, except there was no fenced in yard and Dee's off leash recall isn't as good as it should be. Another person was interested, but since she had a baby, she couldn't handle that and a new dog at the same time. Finally, I've been in contact with Dee's puppy raiser ever since I got her in 2009, and she gladly agreed to take her back.

Once she decided she wanted Dee, I had to figure out how to get her from Louisiana where I live to Oregon where she lives. GDB wanted to ship her as cargo, but I didn't like that. I was worried about her being under the plane in winter or that she would be lost in the airport transfers. I also want to say goodbye, and it feels like a better send off than putting her in a strange situation that might be scarey for her.

As I wrote before, I am on a fixed income, and plane travel is expensive. I talked to the guide dog school who will reimburse the price that it would have cost to fly Dee in cargo. I didn't have the money up front for the plane ticket. Fortunately,Dee's raiser paid for the ticket, GDB is sending her the check they would have sent to me, and I will give her the rest when I am able in a couple months.

Finally, there are emotional obstacles. I miss her guiding me; she was with me through everything: global issues conferences, interviews for journalism and research projects, my job working with blind children and  adults, blindness training in Minneapolis, graduation from college, and my move from Pennsylvania to grad school. She was always so confident with her head held high and her tail enthusiastically wagging, except when it rained. She was the reason why I gained confidence crossing busy city streets with my cane, so I could teach her that traffic wasn't scarey. She helped me balance when my hips were hurting and after I sprained my ankles. She kept me crossing in a straight line when I was dizzy from problems with anemia and hypoglysemia, so I wouldn't veer into oncoming traffic. I will miss her companionship, just lying on the floor and petting her or watching her excitedly play with the other dog and person who live with us.

Sometimes situations cannot be avoided or overcome. Even though it breaks my heart to put her in a new home, the dog who guided me through everything needs me to get past these final obstacles, so she can be free to enjoy her well-earned retirement  after her two years of service.

First major trip

In Feb. 2009, my second guide dog Zorro went back to Seeing Eye to be rematched with another handler. After that, I finished a semester, traveled some, and signed up to go to Urbana, a student global missions meeting in St. Louis starting the day after Christmas. I got Dee, my third guide dog, Nov. 16, 2009. She did an amazing job during our two-week training, better than either of my previous two guides. When applying for and being matched with a guide dog, it can sometimes take up to a year or more till the school finds one for you, so I thought I'd be attending with my cane. After I got Dee, I was a little nervous about how such a new guide would do there. I'd been to conventions with the National Federation of the Blind where 3,000 blind people gather to discuss important issues, but I had never been to a conference with over 20,000 college students.
We started our trip by riding 26 hours on greyhound with 3 bus transfers. I was exhausted by the time we got there, but Dee had boundless energy since she spent most of that time curled up under the seat sleeping. After dropping off my bags at the hotel and meeting one of my roommates, I think we took a local bus to register at the dome center. Travel in unfamiliar places was, and still is to some extent, difficult for me, especially when it is crowded. Dee was hesitant at first, not sure which paths to choose through the sea of people. After a quick dinner, we went to the welcome plenary session. The first event was worship with a live band and vocalists. This stressed Dee out; I could tell because she started continuously licking her paws and the floor. She settled down afterwards during the Native American dances and speeches. After the session ended, I followed some random people outside and asked for help finding the correct bus that went back to my hotel. On the way, Dee had an accident, again because of the stress. I was relieved to reach my room and go to bed, and I prayed the next day would be easier for Dee and me.
We started the next day by oversleeping, quickly running outside to relieve, grabbed granola bars from the buffet, and caught the bus 30 seconds before it pulled out. Since I was hanging out with my roommates, I had people to follow and ask for directions to all of the sessions. This time, and the other four days of the conference, Dee acted as if she guided in crowds every day. From the moment we got off the bus, her ears were forward and her whole butt was wagging. She did excellent obstacle clearance, and I only bumped into one person the whole time when she got distracted by someone with a peanutbutter sandwich.
Besides the week of guide dog training in Portland, I hadn't spent time in a city since 2005, so I wasn't used to that form of travel. All of my time was spent on campus paths or residential streets in my college town. Dee stopped for all of the curbs, traffic checked when necessary, and didn't sniff or eat food from the ground in restaurants or in the grocery store. She was also good during the evening meal when we got in line for the buffet.
By the end of the second day, the music, and people clapping, jumping, and singing didn't bother her, and she napped through the sessions. My roommates and random people commented on what a good dog I had, and I couldn't agree more. She showed me her best on New Year's Eve. We started at 7:30 AM as usual, and we didn't return to the hotel till 1:30 the next morning. We probably walked 4 miles that day between running from one end to the other of the two-block long building, wandering St. Louis looking for lunch and dinner, and stopping at the grocery store for snacks for the road. Dee was so excited as we were exiting the conference at 1 am because everyone was in a good mood, yelling happy new year, singing/jumping up and down, and blowing kazoos. She wiggled her whole body as she guided at a fast pace. At one point I had to have her sit, because she was trying to guide too quickly and was having trouble keeping her traction on the slippery tile floor. When we got back to the hotel, as she did every previous time we returned, she enthusiastically ran to each of us for pets and belly rubs before picking up her kong and running fast circles for two minutes before sighing and flopping down on the floor for a well-deserved few hours of rest.
This is just one of many times we have traveled together. She loved her guiding, played as hard as she worked, and again showed me what it was like to be part of a happy and effective guide dog team.
This is my contribution for The Fifth Assistance Dog Blog Carnival

life update

I am moving to Ruston, Louisiana to atten La Tech for a Masters in teaching blind students. I applied to an apartment complex, and I found out that someone with assault and battery charges had used my social security number. After 3 weeks of filling identity varification papers and waiting and waiting, I finally got approved a couple days ago. I am frantically packing, and I am moving the 23.
Dee is doing well. The vet says the braces seem to be helping, and the lazer treatments do too. I'm just so tired of it all. I don't think she'll work again, but we'll finish the treatment so I can say for sure.

My Dee Girl

This is International Assistance Dog week, so I thought I'd write about my current guide Dee. As I've written before, I was in a better headspace and had been anticipating my new guide since I had been dogless for 9 months. Here I am posting the journals from our first few days together.
Even though it says it is 10:14 pm, it feels like 1:14 am because of the three-hour time difference between east and west coast. I left my house at 11:10 am east coast time. My cab driver got lost for at least a half hour before she found the airport. No problems going through security. I hate hate hate small planes!!! My first flight was through Johnstown Pa. I had a six-hour flight from D.C. to Portland. I spent the time alternating between reading Princess in Training and listening to happy, upbeat music on my Ipod. Then, I had a 40-minute ride to Borring, with Doug and Marsha, two GDB volunteers. Kelly, the RA, with her 10-year-old guide July, oriented me to the dorm. Breakfast is at 7:30 tomorrow. I’m sleeping till 6:45 or so and getting a shower. I want one now, but that would require energy and movement, which I definitely don’t have right now. I haven’t even set up my computer or the wireless network, which tells you how tired I really am since that is usually one of the first thins I do in a new place. More tomorrow.

November 16, 2009 9:22 AM
I woke up at five this morning. My body is still on Eastern time and thought it was time to get up for school. My phone, computer, and Braillenote all had different times. My roommate Holly texted me this morning, and I had to ask her what time it was in Bloomsburg so I could appropriately set my stuff three hours back. This morning we had the managing your dog, retrain, praise and correction, and obedience lectures. Oh, for breakfast we had scrambled eggs, hash browns, apple slices, and toast. We have juno walks soon. I’m having trouble keeping everyone straight. There are two men and four, counting me, females in the class. The instructors are Sue Strong, Michelle, and Becky. There is also Kelly, Erin, the training specialist; Su Jung, an intern from San Fransisco University, and Scott, the dorm manager. Now, I’m waiting to go on my juno walk and learning how to put the harness on weeler, a stuffed dog on a skateboard.

10:36 am
We’re having obedience practice. Juno sit,, check, good juno. Juno stay. The leash in the heal grip in the middle of the leash. When the leash is moved to the right hand, the palm of the left hand faces the dog’s nose and juno stay. Walk slowly towards the end of the leash, which is still in the right hand. After the sit stay and the hitchhiker grip, thumb pointed up and fingers wrapped around the leash, it’s juno heal, where the dog comes to the left side of the body with its head at your knee. Then, we did sit/down. Sit is three pats and a happy sit. Down is the hitchhiker grip then a slow motion with your hand sideways. We also got our treat pouches; they are square with a magnetic closure. We bring the treat smoothly and quickly over to the dog’s nose.
The left door entrance or exit is different here than at TSE. At TSE, we put our backs against the door, push it open that way, and bring the dog in front of us. GDB’s way is to switch the leash to the right hand, juno over here happy voice pats, the dog comes to the right side, juno wait, open the door. Let the dog go inside first at the end of the leash. Juno let’s go! My corrections are too hard, and I had to practice softer ones and of course my tone of voice.

1:13 pm
Lunch was garlic/potato soup with homemade bread.
2:04 pm
I know the names!!! There is a Flute, Artie, Rora, Ogden, and Lincoln. I’ll tell mine later when I get it. Oh my God, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!!!!! I’m soooooo nervous and excited and happy all at the same time. I can’t wait to meet this dog!!!!

8:59 pm
I met her!!! Her name is Dee, and she’s a 55-pound black lab. Her birthday is Jan. 2, 2008, and she eats 1.5 cups of food in the morning and 1 cup at night. She is 23 inches at the shoulder, and she was issued with a martingale, Thank God!!! She reminds me of Valerie with her short body and very short neck. I love her already. She’s adorable. She has been sniffing my shirt and hands and headband. She’s done awesomely at staying still. I am teaching her to lie across my chair longways like her head on the right side and her butt to the left. She stayed like this for a half hour with only two or three reminders of Dee down.
I’m still trying to keep the schedule straight.
Tomorrow is:
7:00 feed water relieve
7:30 breakfast
8:15 instructor’s visitors center obedience
Guidework and juno
Relieve
Greshim guidework practice
Relieve then water
12:30 lunch
1:30 discussion room street crossing
Relieve
Destination route in greshim
4:30 FWR
5:30 dinner
7:00 water
Orientation and route learning lecture review
8:30 relieve

November 17, 2009 8:33 am
She peed and pooped at the afternoon feed time and this morning. Nothing at the 8:30 time. We just did dog distraction obedience with a sheltie. She sniffed a little but wasn’t uncontrollably distracted like Valerie orr Zorro. We go to Greshim to work the dogs for the first time today, and I’m soooo excited.
November 19, 2009 7:24 am
I'm writing this quickly before breakfast. I absolutely love working Dee. She moves quickly, with purpose. She's sometimes stopping with no reason but an encouraging hopp up seems to do the trick. Her curb approaches surprise me; you know how people run and slide into home base? That's what they feel like. She also steps out when I say forward; with Valerie and zorro it took a few steps to get that fast pace. Not Dee, once forward is said, it's let's go!!! She's soooo smart. I taught her under the desk, and after doing it only two times, she automatically goes under once i pull out the chair. We're still working on sit. She's having trouble sitting in the hallway or on the bus, but I think she'll get it.
Dinner yesterday was roasted chicken with dijon sauce, greenbeans, potatoes, and a roll. I'm so hungry!!!