Ever since I've had a guide dog, I've been trying to find a treat pouch that works for me; but there was always something missing. I had the gentle leader pouch, but sometimes I couldn't quickly open it or it didn't close as easily as I needed it to. I had one that looked like a ruffwear bowl with a magnet in the middle, but if the pouch were too full, treats would pour out around the magnet if I leaned over. I had a square one with a magnetic flap, but it wouldn't close right and treats came out the top. None of them could make it through a downpour without leaving me with a wet pouch and soggie treat mush. Also, I prefer to support a person and a small business instead of a large company, so custom-made items were perfect for me.
I found Raw Dog Leather while doing a search for leather treat pouches, and I got all the features I wanted in a bag.
It is about the size of an index card. On the left side, there is a mini bolt snap, like those found on the leashes from guide dog school, and below that is an o-ring. On the main body of the treat pouch is a rain flap with a snap, and on that flap is a keyring. On the right side is an o-ring, a keyring, and a mini bolt snap. On the back are two snap tabs that can go around a belt or a shoulder strap. Once I fold the rain flap back behind the snap tabs, there is the main part. On the front is a small square pocket where I store poop bags. Inside is the cloth liner, wich is machine washable and removeable because of velcro. There are three pockets; in the front, soft, high-value treats; in the middle, kibble; and in the back, crunchy training treats. Five magnets on each side of of the liner keep it close.
It passed all of my tests: I kept the rain flap open while walking fast, and nothing fell out, even when i leaned over. I can slide a finger in, grab a treat, as well as remove my hand, and it closes without any extra movement from me. I took it out in a tourential downpour, and my treats stayed dry and whole.
I think there are pictures here
I also bought a purse. I have tried many bags; backpacks work well, but it is annoying to have to stop, have the dog sit, and take off the pack to get to water or my cell phone. This bag is 10 inches high, 8 inches wide, and 3 inches deep. It is tall enough for me to put a 18-oz klean kantine vertically in the bottle loop and close it without worrying about water leaking in the bottom. There is a zipper pocket on the front, a mini velcro pocket on the flap, a velcro pocket on the back, and the cloth, velcro liner inside with two pockets where I keep my wallet and business cards. It is big enough to hold a slate and stylus, telescoping cane, a snack bag, a basic first-aid kit, a dog bowl, and other random things. The shoulder strap is adjustable with a belt-buckle fastener. There are pictures here
The customer service was good; she sent me leather samples, so I could have an idea of the textures and colors of deer, elk, elk, moose, ETC. I love both of these bags and would buy from her again!
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Sunday, September 18, 2011
First major trip
In Feb. 2009, my second guide dog Zorro went back to Seeing Eye to be rematched with another handler. After that, I finished a semester, traveled some, and signed up to go to Urbana, a student global missions meeting in St. Louis starting the day after Christmas. I got Dee, my third guide dog, Nov. 16, 2009. She did an amazing job during our two-week training, better than either of my previous two guides. When applying for and being matched with a guide dog, it can sometimes take up to a year or more till the school finds one for you, so I thought I'd be attending with my cane. After I got Dee, I was a little nervous about how such a new guide would do there. I'd been to conventions with the National Federation of the Blind where 3,000 blind people gather to discuss important issues, but I had never been to a conference with over 20,000 college students.
We started our trip by riding 26 hours on greyhound with 3 bus transfers. I was exhausted by the time we got there, but Dee had boundless energy since she spent most of that time curled up under the seat sleeping. After dropping off my bags at the hotel and meeting one of my roommates, I think we took a local bus to register at the dome center. Travel in unfamiliar places was, and still is to some extent, difficult for me, especially when it is crowded. Dee was hesitant at first, not sure which paths to choose through the sea of people. After a quick dinner, we went to the welcome plenary session. The first event was worship with a live band and vocalists. This stressed Dee out; I could tell because she started continuously licking her paws and the floor. She settled down afterwards during the Native American dances and speeches. After the session ended, I followed some random people outside and asked for help finding the correct bus that went back to my hotel. On the way, Dee had an accident, again because of the stress. I was relieved to reach my room and go to bed, and I prayed the next day would be easier for Dee and me.
We started the next day by oversleeping, quickly running outside to relieve, grabbed granola bars from the buffet, and caught the bus 30 seconds before it pulled out. Since I was hanging out with my roommates, I had people to follow and ask for directions to all of the sessions. This time, and the other four days of the conference, Dee acted as if she guided in crowds every day. From the moment we got off the bus, her ears were forward and her whole butt was wagging. She did excellent obstacle clearance, and I only bumped into one person the whole time when she got distracted by someone with a peanutbutter sandwich.
Besides the week of guide dog training in Portland, I hadn't spent time in a city since 2005, so I wasn't used to that form of travel. All of my time was spent on campus paths or residential streets in my college town. Dee stopped for all of the curbs, traffic checked when necessary, and didn't sniff or eat food from the ground in restaurants or in the grocery store. She was also good during the evening meal when we got in line for the buffet.
By the end of the second day, the music, and people clapping, jumping, and singing didn't bother her, and she napped through the sessions. My roommates and random people commented on what a good dog I had, and I couldn't agree more. She showed me her best on New Year's Eve. We started at 7:30 AM as usual, and we didn't return to the hotel till 1:30 the next morning. We probably walked 4 miles that day between running from one end to the other of the two-block long building, wandering St. Louis looking for lunch and dinner, and stopping at the grocery store for snacks for the road. Dee was so excited as we were exiting the conference at 1 am because everyone was in a good mood, yelling happy new year, singing/jumping up and down, and blowing kazoos. She wiggled her whole body as she guided at a fast pace. At one point I had to have her sit, because she was trying to guide too quickly and was having trouble keeping her traction on the slippery tile floor. When we got back to the hotel, as she did every previous time we returned, she enthusiastically ran to each of us for pets and belly rubs before picking up her kong and running fast circles for two minutes before sighing and flopping down on the floor for a well-deserved few hours of rest.
This is just one of many times we have traveled together. She loved her guiding, played as hard as she worked, and again showed me what it was like to be part of a happy and effective guide dog team.
This is my contribution for The Fifth Assistance Dog Blog Carnival
We started our trip by riding 26 hours on greyhound with 3 bus transfers. I was exhausted by the time we got there, but Dee had boundless energy since she spent most of that time curled up under the seat sleeping. After dropping off my bags at the hotel and meeting one of my roommates, I think we took a local bus to register at the dome center. Travel in unfamiliar places was, and still is to some extent, difficult for me, especially when it is crowded. Dee was hesitant at first, not sure which paths to choose through the sea of people. After a quick dinner, we went to the welcome plenary session. The first event was worship with a live band and vocalists. This stressed Dee out; I could tell because she started continuously licking her paws and the floor. She settled down afterwards during the Native American dances and speeches. After the session ended, I followed some random people outside and asked for help finding the correct bus that went back to my hotel. On the way, Dee had an accident, again because of the stress. I was relieved to reach my room and go to bed, and I prayed the next day would be easier for Dee and me.
We started the next day by oversleeping, quickly running outside to relieve, grabbed granola bars from the buffet, and caught the bus 30 seconds before it pulled out. Since I was hanging out with my roommates, I had people to follow and ask for directions to all of the sessions. This time, and the other four days of the conference, Dee acted as if she guided in crowds every day. From the moment we got off the bus, her ears were forward and her whole butt was wagging. She did excellent obstacle clearance, and I only bumped into one person the whole time when she got distracted by someone with a peanutbutter sandwich.
Besides the week of guide dog training in Portland, I hadn't spent time in a city since 2005, so I wasn't used to that form of travel. All of my time was spent on campus paths or residential streets in my college town. Dee stopped for all of the curbs, traffic checked when necessary, and didn't sniff or eat food from the ground in restaurants or in the grocery store. She was also good during the evening meal when we got in line for the buffet.
By the end of the second day, the music, and people clapping, jumping, and singing didn't bother her, and she napped through the sessions. My roommates and random people commented on what a good dog I had, and I couldn't agree more. She showed me her best on New Year's Eve. We started at 7:30 AM as usual, and we didn't return to the hotel till 1:30 the next morning. We probably walked 4 miles that day between running from one end to the other of the two-block long building, wandering St. Louis looking for lunch and dinner, and stopping at the grocery store for snacks for the road. Dee was so excited as we were exiting the conference at 1 am because everyone was in a good mood, yelling happy new year, singing/jumping up and down, and blowing kazoos. She wiggled her whole body as she guided at a fast pace. At one point I had to have her sit, because she was trying to guide too quickly and was having trouble keeping her traction on the slippery tile floor. When we got back to the hotel, as she did every previous time we returned, she enthusiastically ran to each of us for pets and belly rubs before picking up her kong and running fast circles for two minutes before sighing and flopping down on the floor for a well-deserved few hours of rest.
This is just one of many times we have traveled together. She loved her guiding, played as hard as she worked, and again showed me what it was like to be part of a happy and effective guide dog team.
This is my contribution for The Fifth Assistance Dog Blog Carnival
Saturday, August 13, 2011
life update
I am moving to Ruston, Louisiana to atten La Tech for a Masters in teaching blind students. I applied to an apartment complex, and I found out that someone with assault and battery charges had used my social security number. After 3 weeks of filling identity varification papers and waiting and waiting, I finally got approved a couple days ago. I am frantically packing, and I am moving the 23.
Dee is doing well. The vet says the braces seem to be helping, and the lazer treatments do too. I'm just so tired of it all. I don't think she'll work again, but we'll finish the treatment so I can say for sure.
Dee is doing well. The vet says the braces seem to be helping, and the lazer treatments do too. I'm just so tired of it all. I don't think she'll work again, but we'll finish the treatment so I can say for sure.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
My Dee Girl
This is International Assistance Dog week, so I thought I'd write about my current guide Dee. As I've written before, I was in a better headspace and had been anticipating my new guide since I had been dogless for 9 months. Here I am posting the journals from our first few days together.
Even though it says it is 10:14 pm, it feels like 1:14 am because of the three-hour time difference between east and west coast. I left my house at 11:10 am east coast time. My cab driver got lost for at least a half hour before she found the airport. No problems going through security. I hate hate hate small planes!!! My first flight was through Johnstown Pa. I had a six-hour flight from D.C. to Portland. I spent the time alternating between reading Princess in Training and listening to happy, upbeat music on my Ipod. Then, I had a 40-minute ride to Borring, with Doug and Marsha, two GDB volunteers. Kelly, the RA, with her 10-year-old guide July, oriented me to the dorm. Breakfast is at 7:30 tomorrow. I’m sleeping till 6:45 or so and getting a shower. I want one now, but that would require energy and movement, which I definitely don’t have right now. I haven’t even set up my computer or the wireless network, which tells you how tired I really am since that is usually one of the first thins I do in a new place. More tomorrow.
November 16, 2009 9:22 AM
I woke up at five this morning. My body is still on Eastern time and thought it was time to get up for school. My phone, computer, and Braillenote all had different times. My roommate Holly texted me this morning, and I had to ask her what time it was in Bloomsburg so I could appropriately set my stuff three hours back. This morning we had the managing your dog, retrain, praise and correction, and obedience lectures. Oh, for breakfast we had scrambled eggs, hash browns, apple slices, and toast. We have juno walks soon. I’m having trouble keeping everyone straight. There are two men and four, counting me, females in the class. The instructors are Sue Strong, Michelle, and Becky. There is also Kelly, Erin, the training specialist; Su Jung, an intern from San Fransisco University, and Scott, the dorm manager. Now, I’m waiting to go on my juno walk and learning how to put the harness on weeler, a stuffed dog on a skateboard.
10:36 am
We’re having obedience practice. Juno sit,, check, good juno. Juno stay. The leash in the heal grip in the middle of the leash. When the leash is moved to the right hand, the palm of the left hand faces the dog’s nose and juno stay. Walk slowly towards the end of the leash, which is still in the right hand. After the sit stay and the hitchhiker grip, thumb pointed up and fingers wrapped around the leash, it’s juno heal, where the dog comes to the left side of the body with its head at your knee. Then, we did sit/down. Sit is three pats and a happy sit. Down is the hitchhiker grip then a slow motion with your hand sideways. We also got our treat pouches; they are square with a magnetic closure. We bring the treat smoothly and quickly over to the dog’s nose.
The left door entrance or exit is different here than at TSE. At TSE, we put our backs against the door, push it open that way, and bring the dog in front of us. GDB’s way is to switch the leash to the right hand, juno over here happy voice pats, the dog comes to the right side, juno wait, open the door. Let the dog go inside first at the end of the leash. Juno let’s go! My corrections are too hard, and I had to practice softer ones and of course my tone of voice.
1:13 pm
Lunch was garlic/potato soup with homemade bread.
2:04 pm
I know the names!!! There is a Flute, Artie, Rora, Ogden, and Lincoln. I’ll tell mine later when I get it. Oh my God, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!!!!! I’m soooooo nervous and excited and happy all at the same time. I can’t wait to meet this dog!!!!
8:59 pm
I met her!!! Her name is Dee, and she’s a 55-pound black lab. Her birthday is Jan. 2, 2008, and she eats 1.5 cups of food in the morning and 1 cup at night. She is 23 inches at the shoulder, and she was issued with a martingale, Thank God!!! She reminds me of Valerie with her short body and very short neck. I love her already. She’s adorable. She has been sniffing my shirt and hands and headband. She’s done awesomely at staying still. I am teaching her to lie across my chair longways like her head on the right side and her butt to the left. She stayed like this for a half hour with only two or three reminders of Dee down.
I’m still trying to keep the schedule straight.
Tomorrow is:
7:00 feed water relieve
7:30 breakfast
8:15 instructor’s visitors center obedience
Guidework and juno
Relieve
Greshim guidework practice
Relieve then water
12:30 lunch
1:30 discussion room street crossing
Relieve
Destination route in greshim
4:30 FWR
5:30 dinner
7:00 water
Orientation and route learning lecture review
8:30 relieve
November 17, 2009 8:33 am
She peed and pooped at the afternoon feed time and this morning. Nothing at the 8:30 time. We just did dog distraction obedience with a sheltie. She sniffed a little but wasn’t uncontrollably distracted like Valerie orr Zorro. We go to Greshim to work the dogs for the first time today, and I’m soooo excited.
November 19, 2009 7:24 am
I'm writing this quickly before breakfast. I absolutely love working Dee. She moves quickly, with purpose. She's sometimes stopping with no reason but an encouraging hopp up seems to do the trick. Her curb approaches surprise me; you know how people run and slide into home base? That's what they feel like. She also steps out when I say forward; with Valerie and zorro it took a few steps to get that fast pace. Not Dee, once forward is said, it's let's go!!! She's soooo smart. I taught her under the desk, and after doing it only two times, she automatically goes under once i pull out the chair. We're still working on sit. She's having trouble sitting in the hallway or on the bus, but I think she'll get it.
Dinner yesterday was roasted chicken with dijon sauce, greenbeans, potatoes, and a roll. I'm so hungry!!!
Even though it says it is 10:14 pm, it feels like 1:14 am because of the three-hour time difference between east and west coast. I left my house at 11:10 am east coast time. My cab driver got lost for at least a half hour before she found the airport. No problems going through security. I hate hate hate small planes!!! My first flight was through Johnstown Pa. I had a six-hour flight from D.C. to Portland. I spent the time alternating between reading Princess in Training and listening to happy, upbeat music on my Ipod. Then, I had a 40-minute ride to Borring, with Doug and Marsha, two GDB volunteers. Kelly, the RA, with her 10-year-old guide July, oriented me to the dorm. Breakfast is at 7:30 tomorrow. I’m sleeping till 6:45 or so and getting a shower. I want one now, but that would require energy and movement, which I definitely don’t have right now. I haven’t even set up my computer or the wireless network, which tells you how tired I really am since that is usually one of the first thins I do in a new place. More tomorrow.
November 16, 2009 9:22 AM
I woke up at five this morning. My body is still on Eastern time and thought it was time to get up for school. My phone, computer, and Braillenote all had different times. My roommate Holly texted me this morning, and I had to ask her what time it was in Bloomsburg so I could appropriately set my stuff three hours back. This morning we had the managing your dog, retrain, praise and correction, and obedience lectures. Oh, for breakfast we had scrambled eggs, hash browns, apple slices, and toast. We have juno walks soon. I’m having trouble keeping everyone straight. There are two men and four, counting me, females in the class. The instructors are Sue Strong, Michelle, and Becky. There is also Kelly, Erin, the training specialist; Su Jung, an intern from San Fransisco University, and Scott, the dorm manager. Now, I’m waiting to go on my juno walk and learning how to put the harness on weeler, a stuffed dog on a skateboard.
10:36 am
We’re having obedience practice. Juno sit,, check, good juno. Juno stay. The leash in the heal grip in the middle of the leash. When the leash is moved to the right hand, the palm of the left hand faces the dog’s nose and juno stay. Walk slowly towards the end of the leash, which is still in the right hand. After the sit stay and the hitchhiker grip, thumb pointed up and fingers wrapped around the leash, it’s juno heal, where the dog comes to the left side of the body with its head at your knee. Then, we did sit/down. Sit is three pats and a happy sit. Down is the hitchhiker grip then a slow motion with your hand sideways. We also got our treat pouches; they are square with a magnetic closure. We bring the treat smoothly and quickly over to the dog’s nose.
The left door entrance or exit is different here than at TSE. At TSE, we put our backs against the door, push it open that way, and bring the dog in front of us. GDB’s way is to switch the leash to the right hand, juno over here happy voice pats, the dog comes to the right side, juno wait, open the door. Let the dog go inside first at the end of the leash. Juno let’s go! My corrections are too hard, and I had to practice softer ones and of course my tone of voice.
1:13 pm
Lunch was garlic/potato soup with homemade bread.
2:04 pm
I know the names!!! There is a Flute, Artie, Rora, Ogden, and Lincoln. I’ll tell mine later when I get it. Oh my God, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!!!!! I’m soooooo nervous and excited and happy all at the same time. I can’t wait to meet this dog!!!!
8:59 pm
I met her!!! Her name is Dee, and she’s a 55-pound black lab. Her birthday is Jan. 2, 2008, and she eats 1.5 cups of food in the morning and 1 cup at night. She is 23 inches at the shoulder, and she was issued with a martingale, Thank God!!! She reminds me of Valerie with her short body and very short neck. I love her already. She’s adorable. She has been sniffing my shirt and hands and headband. She’s done awesomely at staying still. I am teaching her to lie across my chair longways like her head on the right side and her butt to the left. She stayed like this for a half hour with only two or three reminders of Dee down.
I’m still trying to keep the schedule straight.
Tomorrow is:
7:00 feed water relieve
7:30 breakfast
8:15 instructor’s visitors center obedience
Guidework and juno
Relieve
Greshim guidework practice
Relieve then water
12:30 lunch
1:30 discussion room street crossing
Relieve
Destination route in greshim
4:30 FWR
5:30 dinner
7:00 water
Orientation and route learning lecture review
8:30 relieve
November 17, 2009 8:33 am
She peed and pooped at the afternoon feed time and this morning. Nothing at the 8:30 time. We just did dog distraction obedience with a sheltie. She sniffed a little but wasn’t uncontrollably distracted like Valerie orr Zorro. We go to Greshim to work the dogs for the first time today, and I’m soooo excited.
November 19, 2009 7:24 am
I'm writing this quickly before breakfast. I absolutely love working Dee. She moves quickly, with purpose. She's sometimes stopping with no reason but an encouraging hopp up seems to do the trick. Her curb approaches surprise me; you know how people run and slide into home base? That's what they feel like. She also steps out when I say forward; with Valerie and zorro it took a few steps to get that fast pace. Not Dee, once forward is said, it's let's go!!! She's soooo smart. I taught her under the desk, and after doing it only two times, she automatically goes under once i pull out the chair. We're still working on sit. She's having trouble sitting in the hallway or on the bus, but I think she'll get it.
Dinner yesterday was roasted chicken with dijon sauce, greenbeans, potatoes, and a roll. I'm so hungry!!!
Sunday, July 10, 2011
different beginnings
When I was younger, I didn't have a dog or any other pet. We couldn't afford one, but even if we could, my mother said she didn't know how to take care of a dog and she didn't like cats. When I went for my first guide, I was excited and nervous. I couldn't wait to travel differently, but I also had no idea what I was getting into on the journey. When I sat in the room and Jessie brought me Valerie, I put her on leash and brought her back to my room. I remember thinking, OMG, what am I supposed to do; she is bigger than I expected; why is she sniffing me and why doesn't she wag her tail? When we walked, I was surprised how fast we could move. I also never wanted to cry more, especially when we got completely turned around in the middle of an intersection in the pouring rain.
When I got Zorro, I was feeling horrible. Valerie had retired four months earlier, but I had just given her to her new family the day before. I was at peace with that decision, but I was so numb and apathetic; I didn't know it then, but it was the start of my depression. Looking back, I should have waited to get another guide, but I missed the fast-paced, obstacle-avoiding that I had with Valerie during the times she was working well. I really don't remember much from that class, but I know I was very anti-social and I wanted to go home.
When I got Dee, I was in a recovery period of the depression cycle, and I was getting physical therapy, which lessened my back and hip pain for the first time in at least four years. This time, I was anticipating the dog; I went nine months without a guide, and while I was an ok cane user then, I missed the smoothness of walking together down the sidewalk or in a crowd. After the first three days, I knew she was the best dog I've ever had, and I told the trainers so. We had an evaluation at the end of the first week to make sure I felt I had the right dog, since it was only a two-week class. I was feeling wonderful, but I was also anxious. My other two guides didn't work out for me because of Valerie's health issues and my health issues as well as behavioral ones on Zorro's end. I had been rejected from seeing eye, so I was anxious about doing well at Guide Dogs for the Blind because I wanted to show that I was a good handler who could take care of my dog. I was relieved when the trainer and supervisor assured me again and again that I was doing fine, and that I should trust my instincts when working with my dog and not second-guess every decision I needed to make.
When I got Zorro, I was feeling horrible. Valerie had retired four months earlier, but I had just given her to her new family the day before. I was at peace with that decision, but I was so numb and apathetic; I didn't know it then, but it was the start of my depression. Looking back, I should have waited to get another guide, but I missed the fast-paced, obstacle-avoiding that I had with Valerie during the times she was working well. I really don't remember much from that class, but I know I was very anti-social and I wanted to go home.
When I got Dee, I was in a recovery period of the depression cycle, and I was getting physical therapy, which lessened my back and hip pain for the first time in at least four years. This time, I was anticipating the dog; I went nine months without a guide, and while I was an ok cane user then, I missed the smoothness of walking together down the sidewalk or in a crowd. After the first three days, I knew she was the best dog I've ever had, and I told the trainers so. We had an evaluation at the end of the first week to make sure I felt I had the right dog, since it was only a two-week class. I was feeling wonderful, but I was also anxious. My other two guides didn't work out for me because of Valerie's health issues and my health issues as well as behavioral ones on Zorro's end. I had been rejected from seeing eye, so I was anxious about doing well at Guide Dogs for the Blind because I wanted to show that I was a good handler who could take care of my dog. I was relieved when the trainer and supervisor assured me again and again that I was doing fine, and that I should trust my instincts when working with my dog and not second-guess every decision I needed to make.
my first dog
This is a post I wrote in 2006 about my first guide Valerie.
I love my dog Valerie. The first time I really realized this was when we had our first solo route at Seeing Eye. We'd been there for a week, learning this route on five walks and learning all of the dog skills, forward, left, right, follow the harness handle, feel head turns through the leash, tone of voice for praise vs. correction, ETC. This seems simple in theory, but it was hard. One of my issues the first week was body language, which means a lot to the dog. Jess always told me, point your nose where you want to go and relax your right arm; the dog can feel the tention and will get confused and thinkyou want to turn if you aren't aligned correctly. She also said, nice and steady in the street. As a cane user, you walk as fast as you can to get across, but with a dog, there needs to be reaction time for traffic checks. During these walks, Jess would talk to us the whole time; during the solo, she walked a block back and had no contact with us during the route.
I was sooo nervous because mine was a total solo; Zanda and Cliff got to go in a pair. Now, I can walk and have a conversation or think about other things, classes, stuff I need to do ETC, gbut during that walk, I was totally concentrating on, did i just cross the second street or third and do i turn left after the first block or second. It was one of the first times that I didn't get lost while walking somewhere by myself. We had good street crossings; I was a little worried about that because the trainers would just tell us when to go, so I didn't really listen to traffic while walking with them. Blind people cross the street by listening ot traffic patterns, parallel vs. perpendicular traffic, near lane-far lane, near side of the street-other side, residential-lighted ETC. We made it through dog distraction with correction all the way, and I made it through the set up construction zone with cones I felt like I had been out there for a long time, but it was actually only 29 minutes. We had a bet with Jess; if all four of us finished by 10:30, she had to buy us starbucks, and we finished just after 10. All of us, Zanda, Cliff, Mike, and I were soooooooo happy after that walk!!! Jess said, How do you feel? I was like, I made it; that was awesome!!!!
Another great trip was New York City. It is crazy, lots of people, objects, interesting smells for the dog. We rode to NYC in Seeing Eye vans and walked awhile. We went to the Empire state Building, and that was really cool!! We got to practice going through security with our dogs, and we went up to the 86 floor, where we had an audio tour of the surroundings. Later, we took the subway and went to eat lunch, yay!!! We got to put four dogs and six people in a booth. When the waiter came over, because everyone watched us as we walked in with the dogs, asked, "where did your dogs go?. We laughed, and pointed under the table. Melissa, another trainer, was like, I guess he thought we were going to let them run around the restaurant stealing dood." Our longest part was walking from somewhere in Time Square to where the van was parked. It was amazing to walk through all of the people and objects at fast speed without running into them. I really loved that day, and I can't wait to go back to NYC to work with Valerie and do something fun again.
Then, there is just everyday stuff. I like getting up and seeing a really excited, playful dog. After I get out of bed, the first thing Valerie does is flop on me for a belly rub; then, she runs in a circle and wants to play with me. She is sooooo cute!! I love being able to miss all of the construction, trees, and holes in the sidewalk that you find with a cane. It is nice to just have a dog because I never had pets growing up. She loves my friends and anyone else who comes over to the room, even if they aren't visiting me, LOL. When she stops for me as a car turns quickly in front of us, when she stops at stairs and doesn't go forward till I realize why she stopped, when it is crowded and we walk through it without finding all of the people in it, when there is always a happy tail wag if you just say Valerie in a happy voice, when she gets really excited when we stop at a building she remembers: these are the times when I know that all the work of getting a dog is worth it, and our relationship will only get stronger as the years progress.
I love my dog Valerie. The first time I really realized this was when we had our first solo route at Seeing Eye. We'd been there for a week, learning this route on five walks and learning all of the dog skills, forward, left, right, follow the harness handle, feel head turns through the leash, tone of voice for praise vs. correction, ETC. This seems simple in theory, but it was hard. One of my issues the first week was body language, which means a lot to the dog. Jess always told me, point your nose where you want to go and relax your right arm; the dog can feel the tention and will get confused and thinkyou want to turn if you aren't aligned correctly. She also said, nice and steady in the street. As a cane user, you walk as fast as you can to get across, but with a dog, there needs to be reaction time for traffic checks. During these walks, Jess would talk to us the whole time; during the solo, she walked a block back and had no contact with us during the route.
I was sooo nervous because mine was a total solo; Zanda and Cliff got to go in a pair. Now, I can walk and have a conversation or think about other things, classes, stuff I need to do ETC, gbut during that walk, I was totally concentrating on, did i just cross the second street or third and do i turn left after the first block or second. It was one of the first times that I didn't get lost while walking somewhere by myself. We had good street crossings; I was a little worried about that because the trainers would just tell us when to go, so I didn't really listen to traffic while walking with them. Blind people cross the street by listening ot traffic patterns, parallel vs. perpendicular traffic, near lane-far lane, near side of the street-other side, residential-lighted ETC. We made it through dog distraction with correction all the way, and I made it through the set up construction zone with cones I felt like I had been out there for a long time, but it was actually only 29 minutes. We had a bet with Jess; if all four of us finished by 10:30, she had to buy us starbucks, and we finished just after 10. All of us, Zanda, Cliff, Mike, and I were soooooooo happy after that walk!!! Jess said, How do you feel? I was like, I made it; that was awesome!!!!
Another great trip was New York City. It is crazy, lots of people, objects, interesting smells for the dog. We rode to NYC in Seeing Eye vans and walked awhile. We went to the Empire state Building, and that was really cool!! We got to practice going through security with our dogs, and we went up to the 86 floor, where we had an audio tour of the surroundings. Later, we took the subway and went to eat lunch, yay!!! We got to put four dogs and six people in a booth. When the waiter came over, because everyone watched us as we walked in with the dogs, asked, "where did your dogs go?. We laughed, and pointed under the table. Melissa, another trainer, was like, I guess he thought we were going to let them run around the restaurant stealing dood." Our longest part was walking from somewhere in Time Square to where the van was parked. It was amazing to walk through all of the people and objects at fast speed without running into them. I really loved that day, and I can't wait to go back to NYC to work with Valerie and do something fun again.
Then, there is just everyday stuff. I like getting up and seeing a really excited, playful dog. After I get out of bed, the first thing Valerie does is flop on me for a belly rub; then, she runs in a circle and wants to play with me. She is sooooo cute!! I love being able to miss all of the construction, trees, and holes in the sidewalk that you find with a cane. It is nice to just have a dog because I never had pets growing up. She loves my friends and anyone else who comes over to the room, even if they aren't visiting me, LOL. When she stops for me as a car turns quickly in front of us, when she stops at stairs and doesn't go forward till I realize why she stopped, when it is crowded and we walk through it without finding all of the people in it, when there is always a happy tail wag if you just say Valerie in a happy voice, when she gets really excited when we stop at a building she remembers: these are the times when I know that all the work of getting a dog is worth it, and our relationship will only get stronger as the years progress.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Dee update
Yesterday, Dee and I went to the orthopedic vet specialist. They did a physical exam first, where the vet said she has discomfort in her neck and pain in both shoulders. They did x-rays, and they found some arthritis and shoulder instability. She is going to have hobbles, braces to restrict shoulder movement, and she will have exercises that I can help her do. She might have physical therapy too. I talked to GDB yesterday, and they authorized $1,200 and said to call when it's about to run out. Dr. Patty asked me if i was hoping GDB would fund partial or all of it. I told her all of it, and if that didn't happen, Dee wouldn't receive physical therapy. Each PT session is $1,500, and for the eight that the vet wants her to have, that is $12,000. There is no way I could afford even one session.
It doesn't look good. Dee is in pain; the vet says the three to four months not guiding, and not playing or moving much should fix it. But I am weary of it happening again, and I don't want to cause Dee further pain by forcing her to guide. There is too much pressure and strength needed from the shoulders and neck, and I don't know if it will be safe.
I'm starting to ask people I know if they would take Dee or know someone who would in the probability of her retirement. I also have half of my application submitted to GDF; I just have the eye doctor report and video to shoot before it can go for review.
It doesn't look good. Dee is in pain; the vet says the three to four months not guiding, and not playing or moving much should fix it. But I am weary of it happening again, and I don't want to cause Dee further pain by forcing her to guide. There is too much pressure and strength needed from the shoulders and neck, and I don't know if it will be safe.
I'm starting to ask people I know if they would take Dee or know someone who would in the probability of her retirement. I also have half of my application submitted to GDF; I just have the eye doctor report and video to shoot before it can go for review.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
be thankful and shut up
In all of the communities where I find myself belonging, there is a theme of gratefulness and silence.
First, people with disabilities should be grateful for everything. If I refuse assistance from someone and am with able-bodied friends, some say I should be thankful for their kindness. Well, I'm not. If I say I do not want or need assistance, I expect the person to back off and say ok, not continue to grab my arm, push me, insist I can't do it by myself. I'd be grateful if able-bodied rules about personal space applied to me. There is also being grateful for services and access. At the beginning of my freshman year, well a week before it started, I put in a request for a reader for my French book and workbook. Since I had filled out accomodations forms with a reader as a possible accomodation, I didn't think it would be a problem. I went in to DSS my first week to see when I could have my reader, and the secretary happily hands me tapes. I ask her what these are, and she says, the first chapter of your French book and workbook. Me (in my mind) what? This is *not* what I meant by a reader. I tell her I thought I was going to have a reader. She says, "there is a reader on the tapes. He read the books and recorded them." I gave them back to her and explained that a reader is someone who will sit with me and read the book, spell words, describe photos, ETC. She said, "but they're already done." I told her that the tapes would not be helpful and I would like a reader. She proceeds to say they've never done that before, and the other blind students liked the tapes. I'm not all blind students. French is a language I've only had for a semester, and I need someone to spell new words and tell me which accent marks go on the letters. In this put upon tone, she says "i'll see what I can do." Three weeks later, they finally found a reader for me. Thank God the professor was understanding and gave me an extention because of accessibility issues. By that time, I had four chapters of workbook and lab work to do. Any time after that when I needed a reader, I found the person before the class started or the first couple days of class and sent them to DSS to fill out the paperwork to work for me.
Another area where I see the grateful attitude is adoption. I'm not bashing all adoptive parents; there are many awesome ones who are empathetic and do great work with their kids and the community. But there are many others who think adoption is the best thing and first moms and adoptees should share the same happy clappy emotions. Well that's not true for me and other adoptees. I started asking questions about Paraguay when I was in junior high; my mother says why do you want to know that stuff for, it's borring. She doesn't know anything about Latin America and has no desire to learn. I tell her I feel as if I'm missing culture and stuff and the feelings are dismissed because she says, "you're white and live in our family." I am allowed to have these feelings and questions, and they should not be invalidated because she is happy with everything. Then, there is adoption in conversations. It comes up with friends and strangers alike. I always say, there are many issues to be considered in adoption. I think they all look at me with surprise or something because they say, "huh? What issues?" There is whether people want open or closed adoptions. With domestic ones, that is a possibility. However, in international adoption, that is another whole kettle of fish. There are so many corrupt agencies who find children on the streets or take them from families and relatives who want them. There is so much money and agencies who are looking out for themselves and the children. there are often not records and a family history. I do not have a birth certificate, medical history, or anything from my time in Paraguay. It makes things complicated when I need to give official documents, like getting state Id and stuff. In the conversations, people are usually either I didn't think of that, or but you got adopted and don't live there anymore so be happy about it and don't worry about adoption issues.
But that is not who I am. I have always cared about justice and equality, and being a sociology major strengthened that part of me. Sometimes fighting for my rights is tiring, and it would be nice just to curl up in a ball and not think of them. However, I won't stop fighting for myself. I owe it to myself to make sure I have the access I need, not the access someone else thinks I need, to the materials and services that will allow me to be successful. Maybe the next student will not have as difficult a time because of something I said. I do it for my students, especially the children, because I want them to see that they do not have to settle just because someone offers a crumb of accommodation. I will not shut up about adoption because the system needs to change. I'm new to adoption advocacy, but I want to help in any way I can.
First, people with disabilities should be grateful for everything. If I refuse assistance from someone and am with able-bodied friends, some say I should be thankful for their kindness. Well, I'm not. If I say I do not want or need assistance, I expect the person to back off and say ok, not continue to grab my arm, push me, insist I can't do it by myself. I'd be grateful if able-bodied rules about personal space applied to me. There is also being grateful for services and access. At the beginning of my freshman year, well a week before it started, I put in a request for a reader for my French book and workbook. Since I had filled out accomodations forms with a reader as a possible accomodation, I didn't think it would be a problem. I went in to DSS my first week to see when I could have my reader, and the secretary happily hands me tapes. I ask her what these are, and she says, the first chapter of your French book and workbook. Me (in my mind) what? This is *not* what I meant by a reader. I tell her I thought I was going to have a reader. She says, "there is a reader on the tapes. He read the books and recorded them." I gave them back to her and explained that a reader is someone who will sit with me and read the book, spell words, describe photos, ETC. She said, "but they're already done." I told her that the tapes would not be helpful and I would like a reader. She proceeds to say they've never done that before, and the other blind students liked the tapes. I'm not all blind students. French is a language I've only had for a semester, and I need someone to spell new words and tell me which accent marks go on the letters. In this put upon tone, she says "i'll see what I can do." Three weeks later, they finally found a reader for me. Thank God the professor was understanding and gave me an extention because of accessibility issues. By that time, I had four chapters of workbook and lab work to do. Any time after that when I needed a reader, I found the person before the class started or the first couple days of class and sent them to DSS to fill out the paperwork to work for me.
Another area where I see the grateful attitude is adoption. I'm not bashing all adoptive parents; there are many awesome ones who are empathetic and do great work with their kids and the community. But there are many others who think adoption is the best thing and first moms and adoptees should share the same happy clappy emotions. Well that's not true for me and other adoptees. I started asking questions about Paraguay when I was in junior high; my mother says why do you want to know that stuff for, it's borring. She doesn't know anything about Latin America and has no desire to learn. I tell her I feel as if I'm missing culture and stuff and the feelings are dismissed because she says, "you're white and live in our family." I am allowed to have these feelings and questions, and they should not be invalidated because she is happy with everything. Then, there is adoption in conversations. It comes up with friends and strangers alike. I always say, there are many issues to be considered in adoption. I think they all look at me with surprise or something because they say, "huh? What issues?" There is whether people want open or closed adoptions. With domestic ones, that is a possibility. However, in international adoption, that is another whole kettle of fish. There are so many corrupt agencies who find children on the streets or take them from families and relatives who want them. There is so much money and agencies who are looking out for themselves and the children. there are often not records and a family history. I do not have a birth certificate, medical history, or anything from my time in Paraguay. It makes things complicated when I need to give official documents, like getting state Id and stuff. In the conversations, people are usually either I didn't think of that, or but you got adopted and don't live there anymore so be happy about it and don't worry about adoption issues.
But that is not who I am. I have always cared about justice and equality, and being a sociology major strengthened that part of me. Sometimes fighting for my rights is tiring, and it would be nice just to curl up in a ball and not think of them. However, I won't stop fighting for myself. I owe it to myself to make sure I have the access I need, not the access someone else thinks I need, to the materials and services that will allow me to be successful. Maybe the next student will not have as difficult a time because of something I said. I do it for my students, especially the children, because I want them to see that they do not have to settle just because someone offers a crumb of accommodation. I will not shut up about adoption because the system needs to change. I'm new to adoption advocacy, but I want to help in any way I can.
graduation
I am now a college graduate!!! I graduated last saturday with a B.A. in sociology and a B.A. in journalism. It was a nice day, thank God! Bloomsburg had been getting torrential downpours for the past two weeks or so, but it was sunny all morning. I decided to wear a black dress under my gown and sparkly brown flats, because I just do not like heals; I already have ankle issues, and heels on the bricks on the quad would not have been a good idea. I also had a graduation cap for Dee; she was not happy having something on her head, but everyone thought she was adorable. We took the shuttle for the last time to campus, and we got in line to process. I wasn't really sure where I was supposed to go. dr. Samson, the chair of sociology, saw me and asked me if I knew what was happening. I said I didn't, so she offered to walk in front of me and tell me when to turn and stuff. Dee did well guiding in the procession; she didn't stop to sniff the people clapping and cheering on either side of the isle, and she wasn't distracted by all the noise. She had trouble following though, so I'm glad Dr. Samson was talking to me. We were at our seats; for some reason, Dee didn't want to back up for me, so it took a few seconds to get her into the row instead of lying on the walkway. After that, there were some borring speeches, and we finally got to go up and get our diplomas. Dr. Samson walked beside me this time, and we stood there chatting in line while we slowly moved forward. While I was in line, I saw Dr. Omori, the professor I had for statistics and quantitative research methods. She surprised me by coming over and giving me a hug and said great job I didn't know you were graduating! We made it up the stairs and across the stage without issue. It took me a few seconds longer than everyone else because we were supposed to cary the diploma in the left hand and shake people's hands with the right, but I had to stop each time, drop the harness handle, and switch. On the way down from the platform, I saw my English professor as well as the professor I had for Italian and Spanish. After some more borring speeches, we were allowed to leave.
I was kind of sad because my mom wasn't there; she was sick and couldn't come, so the other family who was going with her didn't come either. However, my boss and his wife were there, and I was so glad to see them. I've worked for him, teaching people Braille, assistive tech, and other blindness skills since October of my freshman year. He's seen me through all three dogs, my depression crash, and everything else. We've spent at least 100 hours on the road, so we've had a lot of time to talk. I'm glad he never gave up on me, even when I was in the worst part of my depression and barely speaking to anyone.
Now I'm back in Altoona at my mother's house. I hate being here!!! She treats me as if I am a child. She keeps asking me if I'm going to eat; I don't eat on her schedule. She eats breakfast, lunch, and dinner all within seven hours. I can't eat like that; if I eat breakfast at 11, I'm not hungry again till 6 or 7 at night. She says she's not a 24 hour kitchen, but I fix my own food so it shouldn't matter to her when I eat. She is also the same way about Dee. Does Dee have water; make sure you give her enough food. Does she need to relieve. I take her out four or five times per day, but my mother thinks she should go out every two or three hours.
We now have a possible idea what is wrong with Dee. When we went to the vet last week, I explained again that she was having trouble putting pressure into the chest strap, going uphills, ETC. They pushed on her and pulled her, but they said she wasn't yelping or flinching or anything; I said that didn't mean much since that wasn't her usual reaction. They took her outside and had her run circles in the parking lot; they came back inside all surprised because they said that was the first time they had a dog refuse to make left turns and run. After that, they took her to x-rays where she surprised them again by being perfectly still and not struggling in position. They found a pin-sized bone chip missing/floating in her left shoulder blade, and there is a separation between the servical vertibre 6 and 7, the ones from the neck to between the shoulder blades. Now, they want her to have a myelogram; they put her under anesthesia for awhile and put dye and stuff into her spine to see if the nerves are pinched. If they are, she will have to have surgery to have the disk removed so the two bones won't be separated anymore. Now that I'm $350 poorer and have to spend more of my scholarship money on vet costs, I might be staying here for the summer. I wanted to go to the NFB convention in Orlando, but if Dee has to have surgery, I won't be able to go. Please pray and send good thoughts for Dee; I miss having her work for me.
I was kind of sad because my mom wasn't there; she was sick and couldn't come, so the other family who was going with her didn't come either. However, my boss and his wife were there, and I was so glad to see them. I've worked for him, teaching people Braille, assistive tech, and other blindness skills since October of my freshman year. He's seen me through all three dogs, my depression crash, and everything else. We've spent at least 100 hours on the road, so we've had a lot of time to talk. I'm glad he never gave up on me, even when I was in the worst part of my depression and barely speaking to anyone.
Now I'm back in Altoona at my mother's house. I hate being here!!! She treats me as if I am a child. She keeps asking me if I'm going to eat; I don't eat on her schedule. She eats breakfast, lunch, and dinner all within seven hours. I can't eat like that; if I eat breakfast at 11, I'm not hungry again till 6 or 7 at night. She says she's not a 24 hour kitchen, but I fix my own food so it shouldn't matter to her when I eat. She is also the same way about Dee. Does Dee have water; make sure you give her enough food. Does she need to relieve. I take her out four or five times per day, but my mother thinks she should go out every two or three hours.
We now have a possible idea what is wrong with Dee. When we went to the vet last week, I explained again that she was having trouble putting pressure into the chest strap, going uphills, ETC. They pushed on her and pulled her, but they said she wasn't yelping or flinching or anything; I said that didn't mean much since that wasn't her usual reaction. They took her outside and had her run circles in the parking lot; they came back inside all surprised because they said that was the first time they had a dog refuse to make left turns and run. After that, they took her to x-rays where she surprised them again by being perfectly still and not struggling in position. They found a pin-sized bone chip missing/floating in her left shoulder blade, and there is a separation between the servical vertibre 6 and 7, the ones from the neck to between the shoulder blades. Now, they want her to have a myelogram; they put her under anesthesia for awhile and put dye and stuff into her spine to see if the nerves are pinched. If they are, she will have to have surgery to have the disk removed so the two bones won't be separated anymore. Now that I'm $350 poorer and have to spend more of my scholarship money on vet costs, I might be staying here for the summer. I wanted to go to the NFB convention in Orlando, but if Dee has to have surgery, I won't be able to go. Please pray and send good thoughts for Dee; I miss having her work for me.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
selecting my spoons
Here is another post for blogging against disablism day.
Christine's spoons theory basically says that you start the day out with a certain number of spoons, choices energy, and everything else that goes into functioning. Unlike healthy, able-bodied people, it's about making choices of how to accomplish everything. I am totally blind, have mild scoliosis and joint pain, and have depression. The depression manifests itself as inability to concentrate, little motivation to do anything ensomnia and overall tiredness. Healthy people tell me just go and do it; it's no big deal. My response is always, if i could think myself emotional, energetic, and able to do whatever I want, I would do it in a second.
Here are some choices for the day.
First of all, do I want to get up; the answer to this one is always yes, even if it is only to feed and relieve my guide dog. Next is the choice to go to class; currently it's nearing the end of the semester, and I have to go to class to turn in papers, get final notes, and take exams. Do I want to take my cane, which could be painful depending if my muscles are stiff and my joints don't want to move as easily as they should, or do I want to take my guide dog, who has lately not been guiding well. Do I want to take the long way to class or take the shortcut which gives me an extra five minutes? If I am feeling disoriented, it has just snowed, there is noise and a lot of people around, I sometimes take the long way because it is a straight line and a right turn two blocks from the bus stop. If I have managed to sleep for more than four hours and have had water in the morning, I am more likely to take the zig-zag path across the quad and won't be confused by campus life. The second decision for the day is do I want to get lunch on campus, and if so, where? Sometimes I am just too exhausted by 1:30 that I just head straight to the bus to go to my apartment, even though it is not good for my health or concentration to skip a meal. If I decide to eat on campus, I usually end up at the pizza shop because it has only one line for ordering and checkout, unlike everywhere else that has food; this limits me to unhealthy pizza, strombolis, or wraps, but if i eat at all, it's a good sign. The other place I might choose is the husky lounge; this has sandwiches, grilled food, smoothies, entres, vegetables, and to-go food like apples and bananas. I just can't deal with all the people some days; I start panicking about it an hour or so before I have to go there. I sometimes feel dizzy and I have to keep asking people where the line is and if I am at the end of whatever line I want. Once I get my food from there, I have to find which, out of four registers, is open today, and I sometimes get lost in the place. Also, Dee is sometimes distracted by food on the ground and college students who think it is funny to throw things at her or anyone who wants to approach and ask invasive questions about my blindness or my dog or share info about some disabled person or their pet who died last month or last year. Once I get home with my food, I go to work; I help blind children and adults learn to read Braille, use technology, or learn daily activities like how to cook, tie their shoes, or use the phone. Most days it is children, who usually take the rest of my patience and energy. By the time I get home, do I want to eat dinner? Going to campus to get food is almost always a no; that is time waiting for the bus, a 10-minute ride to campus, at least a 10-minute walk to food, dealing with all the people, and the walk and bus back to the apartment. Since I was tired earlier and went to work, I didn't have time to find someone to take me grocery shopping, so I barely have food in the apartment. I pop in a frozen pizza or ramen noodles, more unhealthy chemically-laden food, or I place an order for delivery. Next is homework. I usually can't concentrate for more than a half hour at a time, which is exacerbated if I do not like the text of the books or research I am reading. It takes me at least an hour to write a page, and when I have to rescan articles, find all of my audio bookmarks, and figure out how to organize the info, I'm exhausted again. This leaves me no energy or time to socialize, which makes the depression worse since I've isolated myself from other people. My thoughts are racing like a hampster on a wheel, which means I get 5.5 hours of sleep on a good night and less than four on a bad one. The cycle of selecting which spoons I can give up starts all over again the next day, and able-bodied neurotypical classmates and friends wonder why some days I choose to sleep on the weekends and only leave to relieve and walk Dee.
Christine's spoons theory basically says that you start the day out with a certain number of spoons, choices energy, and everything else that goes into functioning. Unlike healthy, able-bodied people, it's about making choices of how to accomplish everything. I am totally blind, have mild scoliosis and joint pain, and have depression. The depression manifests itself as inability to concentrate, little motivation to do anything ensomnia and overall tiredness. Healthy people tell me just go and do it; it's no big deal. My response is always, if i could think myself emotional, energetic, and able to do whatever I want, I would do it in a second.
Here are some choices for the day.
First of all, do I want to get up; the answer to this one is always yes, even if it is only to feed and relieve my guide dog. Next is the choice to go to class; currently it's nearing the end of the semester, and I have to go to class to turn in papers, get final notes, and take exams. Do I want to take my cane, which could be painful depending if my muscles are stiff and my joints don't want to move as easily as they should, or do I want to take my guide dog, who has lately not been guiding well. Do I want to take the long way to class or take the shortcut which gives me an extra five minutes? If I am feeling disoriented, it has just snowed, there is noise and a lot of people around, I sometimes take the long way because it is a straight line and a right turn two blocks from the bus stop. If I have managed to sleep for more than four hours and have had water in the morning, I am more likely to take the zig-zag path across the quad and won't be confused by campus life. The second decision for the day is do I want to get lunch on campus, and if so, where? Sometimes I am just too exhausted by 1:30 that I just head straight to the bus to go to my apartment, even though it is not good for my health or concentration to skip a meal. If I decide to eat on campus, I usually end up at the pizza shop because it has only one line for ordering and checkout, unlike everywhere else that has food; this limits me to unhealthy pizza, strombolis, or wraps, but if i eat at all, it's a good sign. The other place I might choose is the husky lounge; this has sandwiches, grilled food, smoothies, entres, vegetables, and to-go food like apples and bananas. I just can't deal with all the people some days; I start panicking about it an hour or so before I have to go there. I sometimes feel dizzy and I have to keep asking people where the line is and if I am at the end of whatever line I want. Once I get my food from there, I have to find which, out of four registers, is open today, and I sometimes get lost in the place. Also, Dee is sometimes distracted by food on the ground and college students who think it is funny to throw things at her or anyone who wants to approach and ask invasive questions about my blindness or my dog or share info about some disabled person or their pet who died last month or last year. Once I get home with my food, I go to work; I help blind children and adults learn to read Braille, use technology, or learn daily activities like how to cook, tie their shoes, or use the phone. Most days it is children, who usually take the rest of my patience and energy. By the time I get home, do I want to eat dinner? Going to campus to get food is almost always a no; that is time waiting for the bus, a 10-minute ride to campus, at least a 10-minute walk to food, dealing with all the people, and the walk and bus back to the apartment. Since I was tired earlier and went to work, I didn't have time to find someone to take me grocery shopping, so I barely have food in the apartment. I pop in a frozen pizza or ramen noodles, more unhealthy chemically-laden food, or I place an order for delivery. Next is homework. I usually can't concentrate for more than a half hour at a time, which is exacerbated if I do not like the text of the books or research I am reading. It takes me at least an hour to write a page, and when I have to rescan articles, find all of my audio bookmarks, and figure out how to organize the info, I'm exhausted again. This leaves me no energy or time to socialize, which makes the depression worse since I've isolated myself from other people. My thoughts are racing like a hampster on a wheel, which means I get 5.5 hours of sleep on a good night and less than four on a bad one. The cycle of selecting which spoons I can give up starts all over again the next day, and able-bodied neurotypical classmates and friends wonder why some days I choose to sleep on the weekends and only leave to relieve and walk Dee.
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