Tuesday, January 3, 2012

unwell state of being

Things tend to go like this for me. I can usually handle a problem but when it causes multiple problems or little ones add up to issues, that’s when it’s bad.
I’ve said it before, but I’m exhausted and have no energy. I am also very broke. I get $720 per month. $570 of that is rent plus $30-$40 for electric. My guide dog Dee’s food is $50. That leaves me $70 to have readers for grocery shopping and going out to dinner a couple times with friends. Because of this, my phone has been off for the past 2 months, and even though it is off, I’m still charged the $120 service, even though I’m not using it. I owe $400 to them plus $30 for late fees and $30 to reactivate my number. I owe $200 to a doctor in Minneapolis after I sprayned my ankles and needed treatment, $260 to a former roommate when I borrowed it last year to buy groceries, $120 or something to my current roommate, $100 to my uncle who shipped me the rest of my packages from Pennsylvania to Louisiana, and $300 for something, maybe a former internet service provider? Thank God for food stamps.
I was supposed to have classes this quarter, but I don’t. I should have qualified to at least get stafford loans, but I did not. I cannot get a private student loan because I do not qualify, my mom doesn’t have enough money and thanks to me, not a good credit history, to cosign. Other family members plus other people I have asked can’t or don’t want to cosign for me. Rehab will cover me for the rest of my tuition for this degree, but because of ridiculousness on my end and others, I didn’t get unconditional admission last quarter. Since there was no unconditional admission, they weren’t able to pay. I owe $4,000 to the university, and until I can find some way to pay it, I can’t register for classes and rehab can’t pay until this balance is gone. Since I am not taking classes, rehab can’t pay for my rent.
Also, Dee is retired, which just makes me feel sad and all that horrible stuff. Her puppy raisers want her, but they live in Oregon. GDB wants me to take Dee to Dallas and ship her as cargo. First of all, I have no money; Dallas is a few hours from here, so I would either have to fly, take the bus, or hire a driver. Second, I don’t feel safe having Dee travel under the plane during the winter. If I did that, I would have to buy a crate which is like $100. The best way for her to get to Oregon is if I fly her as a service dog in the cabin. GDB says it’s too expensive and too long of a flight for them to cover the cost. I’m going to ask them if they can give me whatever amount they would have paid for shipping towards the cost of my plane ticket. I wanted to have Dee go this month, but that is definitely not happening now.
For some reason, I am having issues with both of my insurance providers. I am not getting medicare anymore, even though I changed my permanent address with the post office and social security. I should also have Medicaid, but I still have no card. I’ve called them five times requesting new cards; they have said each time that they mailed one. I verified my address is correct with them, and still no card. No card means no prescriptions which are necessary to my health. I am supposed to have a vitamin b12 shot as well as iron and other things for my severe anemia.
I usually take supplements in addition to my prescriptions. Omega 3 oils, multi vitamin/mineral, vitamin c, antioxidants, b-complex, glutamine, tryptophin, and probiotics/digestive enzymes. These help me to manage my hypoglysemic tendancies and depression. Since I am out of all of these and that adds up to about $250 per month, my ability to concentrate, have motivation, digest well, and overall handle stress is making me feel awful. Since I will not have money any time soon, I will be off for the next few months, more than I usually am.
Pray or send good vibes or whatever; something needs to give soon.


  1. Hey Martha,

    it sounds like things are really crappy and difficult for you at the moment and that sucks! I know that you read and comment on my blog so you would know that I have had a big change of fortunes in the last few months. Things were really bad for me a few months ago... I was sick, broke, soon to be homeless... I'm not a praying person but I will think of you and hope that something turns around for you too.

    I had some luck with getting granted disability, then refunded some money by a government department (because I was on disability) then finding a really good doctor, and then meeting someone who wants me in their life.

    Seriously I am not exaggerating when I say that in the last 8 weeks my life has virtually done an about face from almost pointless to full of opportunity. I guess I am just saying there is always hope and that you never know when things will change... I certainly didn't.

    Good luck mate, I will keep you in my thoughts and I wish you a 2012 that makes 2011 look like the dark ages!

  2. Oy. Between a rock and a hard place. Having a disability comes with such a lot of extra costs, yet none of it is reflected in SSD, etc. I hope you find a way out soon.

  3. I am so, so sorry you are struggling with such difficulties right now. It is beyond unfair. I am sending good thoughts your way and you are in my prayers.

    As Displaced notes in her comment, the thing I have also learned about life is that it does present us with amazing turn-arounds at times. I am fervently praying for things to improve and SOON!! Hang in there.